Wandering Back The Mind

Woah… almost a good year and an ever learning year since the last post!

Almost 3 months since the last drop of alcohol has been consumed. Learned the hard way that I enjoy the booze a little too much. Even though I will always love drinking and will miss it, dearly.  It was a habit/addiction that shall stay in the past, ideally. There are times when I really… REALLY would love to take a sip and let the mind slip into relaxation…

To forget all the worries… the mistakes, and all the other stuff that happens during life for even a briefest of moments.

Too bad for this soul, that ain’t gonna happen!

One drink, would be ideal, but can’t just have one.

For that one drink… even if it’s a cheap beer… would go to another and more…

Yep, life as an alcoholic… I admit, the past year has been a roller coaster. Thankfully, at least being sober has helped.

Stepping waaaaay back from things helps fart the brain a bit louder, ha!

Just spent the last three weeks at a behavioral hospital…

There was some disagreement at the home base over trivial things and  ended up chillaxin’ at a psyche ward. This was the second time I was involuntarily checked in. At first or second thought, felt I was getting stabbed in the mental back by the enduring loved ones.

Luckily now, that wasn’t the case.

I was transferred to a shitty local behavioral hospital, and thankfully the doctor deemed me a complete nutjob and was upgraded to my new home at another behavioral hospital. This place was way better to the infinite. Better food, group sessions, tv (with access to a remote), showers, clean linen, snacks and drugs (oh yeah…).

Where I listened, learned, and experienced, compassion, sadness, happiness, joy, a sense of community with the unit I was assigned to. It was the first time I can express freely my feelings about stuff that occurred in the darkest parts of my past. Luckily, the people, listened and emphasized/sympathized and shared some of their plight and pains with dealing with things that the mind  normally has a tougher time to cope with these issues at larger dosages.

There were various units, specializing in various issues. This included, or from what I heard and observed; detox, addiction, physical/mental abuse, and anything that is considered textbook psychological issues.

The unit I was assigned to was with folks dealing mainly with depression. Pretty much a  mellow, calm, and relaxing unit in comparison to the other psyche wards. There was even a pregnant lady who was currently four months pregnant. Found out later she suffered physical abuse from her husband for five years. Didn’t know this until a few days before my discharge. Hopefully, she would be transferred to the best hospital that deals with maternity…

Anywhos, diagnosed with psychosis and a healthy dollop of insomonia. On the plus side, I can draw on SSI, foodstamps, and if all goes well, money cash on day labor type of work. If all goes well, dropkick the student loans out to the curb, sometime, within this lifetime, ha!

Now that I’m home, realized that the only crazy people are the ones who didn’t express the emotions, mannerisms, and all the stuff, blatantly. In proper society, people suffering and dealing with these mental conditions would normally be called a uh… um… “a basket case, nutjob, mental retardo, psycho, crazy, insane, etc.”

After returning home, thank the spiritual guide, support guide, and of course the ever head scratching, primary guide.  I wondered and pondered what sort of um… mental conditions/expressions that everyday people may express. The ones who appear to live a ‘normal life,’ externally. Been thinking about this issue while hiking about five and half miles back to the home/sanctuary.

At first, was dropped off a few long city blocks to the shelter. Walked there, it was hot and the environment didn’t vibe right. Decided to walk to the building that deals with shelter placement. This was yesterday (Saturday) and it was a long walk. It was hot, sweaty and the whole entire street (about a few miles worth) was cordoned off and allowed the citizens to ride their bikes, walk, longboarded, run along the street, totally cool and festive.

What was even cooler (literally) that it started pouring after finding the shelter placement building. Soaking and strangly smelling like marijuana, decided to march back to the abode. Made it back, although the right leg seems to want to take the day off. Luckily the home folks didn’t seem mind AT ALL that I unexpectedly showed up at the doorstep.

And now successfully(?) completed this (unique) experience at home with the dog dozing off on the bed, yepper peppers! 🙂

Passing trivial thoughts on the F.B’z, man! :)

Felt this was nothing but a transition of a past thought and reformatted to text and uploaded to this fine website :).

Yesterday, went on a blocking spree and made a farewell (and within some cases a mental middle finger) to a group of avatars (about 20+). A few were at a whim and others were based on personal choices. Also, went on live (evil spelled back/wards (?)). Went on a rant spree about the mannerisms of the child-bearing peeps.

This was done while cleaning the bathroom, with a cup of cold coffee, and lasted about an hour. The rewards… a tired irritated throat and a contemplative mode. Thankfully, this is currently a 7 day with healthy helpings of the Mars Retrograde solidified the personal feelings, for today.

At least the day feels more relaxing, allow the thoughts to freely feel and think, with minimal interruption, ha! (?)

Bro-hugs!!!

Posted this on the Facebooks, sharing before it becomes compost in the streams.

*Yawns*

?

Passing Thoughts Cost Nothing, (Physically) NOTHING!

“A representation of an extra-dimensional world needing a good steam iron!”

“Energy draws inwardly,
similar to a period in time
when thoughts flow freely.

Originating from the heart
and permeating outward
like an ocean of healthy grass
that rustles with the calm winds.

A balance of thoughts and emotions
where words that float within the mind
and edited with a keypad,
hanging its digital hat.

While the current thought has passed,
like may others that wisps by, more wait in queue
and not all in typed in WordPress, ha!”

 

Short Thought

I was listening to a podcast yesterday and there was an interview with the host of “Suvivorman,” Les Stroud. According to the interview, the guy grew up from humble beginnings, a blue collar family, money was in short supply, etc. Worked many manual labor and dead end jobs. Met disappoint after disappoint until he found his own TV show.

What struck me the most about the interview, was during the portion of the show and discussing finances. Turns out the guy didn’t break even until he was 45 years old (currently 56). It was heartening to hear about that. A few more years, I’ll reach 40 years old and nothing to show for it. Beside mistakes, bad choices, missed opportunities, with graying hair to boot, ha!

Found it relieving to hear someone who is going through a similar issue, in terms of career, finances, and just finding their groove in life. Makes life feel more relatable in that regard, maybe.

Basic Profile, According to the Akashic Records (~80% Accuracy Rating?)

Decided to repost  this session from a forum that mainly discusses anything spiritual, how its organized or anything in general.  Thought it would a fun thing to share.

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I had a session with M. today and wanted to get your Profile so that you can enjoy your M. studies better.

It’s way more interesting to read about Chief Features, Attitude, Goals and Internal Monads when you “know” your overleaves.

I know that you’re still a student and have been putting this off, so I went ahead and had it channeled today. It’s very interesting. I hope you’ll something out of it. 🙂 BTW, you’ll get a kick out of our past as bros. (I hope this all fits into this e-mail, as space is limited in this format).

[******] Hello, M. I would like to start today by getting a Basic Profile for one of our *** members, known to us as “***”.  And, while you are searching the Akashic Records, could you tell me what, if any, past-lives our Essences have experienced together?

[M.E.] So that we are clear: are you speaking of the same “***” that T.  is aware of through his vlogging?

[******] Yes.

[M.E.] We understand. The fragment in question would be the 5th Level Old, Sage-Cast Sage from Cadre 2, Entity 2, with 22 Focused to 78 Creative Energy Ratio and a Frequency of 85, in his 307th lifetime of the 10th Grand Cycle.

Whose Artisan Essence Twin acts as a primary guide and is from Cadre 2, Entity 3. His Task Companions are a King and Scholar, both male and not known to him as of yet (as far as we can see).

This is an Intellectually-Centered, Emotional Part Pragmatist (Attitude) who slides to Idealism and Cynic. Who is in (Goal of) Flow that slides to Growth and Reevaluation, and who is in Observation (Mode) that slides to Passion and Reserve in a Mercurial, Solar, and Martial Body Type, with Primary and Secondary Chief Features of Stubbornness that both slide to Arrogance and Self-deprecation.

As T. is surprised that this is a Sage-Cast Sage, we will comment that this is a fragment brimming with a spectrum of philosophies and creativity that run deep, even if they are carefully and quietly brought to the surface through random outlets.

[******] Yes, I have been reading his philosophical musings and poetry on his website. Very deep.

[M.E.] As this fragment moves through and out of his 4th Internal Monad. The ranges of expression and the comfort in that range would likely reflect more of that depth and richness.

Sage-Cast Sages can manifest in two extreme ways: quite Scholarly and reclusive with deeper and richer depths of perspective, or as highly boisterous and entertaining performers of themselves who bring great levity to others’ lives. In truth, the Sage-Cast Sages will embody both of those extremes, but one will tend to dominate over the other.

You share a fairly significant past life with this fragment when you were siblings in Venice, Italy of the 11th Century CE as a great shift in perspectives and possibilities had come about after the release from the “dark ages”. This was a lifetime focused on “enjoying life” in the sense that the family was fairly secure in its material sustenance since it was part of the trade industry that began to boom.

This allowed for “you” to grow up in a world that was quite free
from stress and demand. Each of you were profoundly content with very little, “never” bored, and simply allowed life as it was. No aspirations, no ambitions, no worries. Each of you took up the trades of your family’s tanning and cloth making.

[******] Were we both boys?

[M.E.] Yes, that is correct. Each of you died as content grandparents, as well, fairly close together in timing, and felt this was “a great life”. Essence always feels that way, but these Personalities did, as well.

[******] I just watched a television program I had recorded some time ago last night, and it is set in Venice! I was filled with a sense of awe and yearning over the beauty of this city.

[M.E.] It is not surprising that you felt the awe and draw in your watching the program involving this city. The city might draw that out of anyone, of course, but your Essence and your Instinctive Center know that region well. There are other lives shared of some significance, of course, 27 altogether, but this is a fairly “recent” one that may be relevant.

Have fun validating your Profile and please let me know if you resonate with the information.

Thanks, Mr. T, M.E. and C!

Updated!

Hello everyone or anyone! (?) Decided write a post after a long period of not paying attention to this blog. Made up a new category called R.A.T. (Random Access Thoughts), as a way to mind spurge whatever is going on at the moment.

Currently, going all out geek mode with Steins;Gate 0. Playing the game version and marathon it to the most current episode with the anime. Enjoying both so far. Noticed similarities/differenices between the anime and game version.

With the anime version, events can be explained through animation (duh). While happily grinding it out with the game, events are explained (text by text with voice overs). Leaving it to the players imagination on what is going on. Also, the game feels slower paced, given that its a visual novel. So far, enjoying the experience. Feels like I’ll finish the game before the anime series, currently finished episode 6. So far both versions are well done, in terms of animation, graphics, and quality.

Other than that, not much going on. Been in hermit mode for the past months and needed to collect the thoughts for a bit.  Some negative side effects include paler skin, lack of exercise, and excessive brooding.

That’s it with the current R.A.T. (Yo!)

Journal Entry #8

Wow, went full throttle on the grammar and various corrections. Oh well, journals were written in the past, thankfully so?

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July 18, 2010 around 7:50pm

Walked to Borders and bought three books today. A fundamental book on drawing, cooking, and a collection of poems and stories written by Edgar Allan Poe. Headed backed to the Inner Harbor and peruse the books, called [friend] then continued perusing.

Perhaps, a journal is written to expel, contribute, criticize and just write whatever enters into the head, yo!

So far, still alive. Obviously, still writing from left to right in this archaic form of  writing medium.

Currently reading a book (not quite finished, perhaps later) on the ways reading organizes the mind. With its curvy fonts and transforms it into the super (better, virus free) super computer, thus named the “noggin”.

I think it’s a mystery on how humans are able to adapt to this form of communication. Able to stitch on more neurons somewhere in the brain, making a connection to anything.  It’s funny or rather astounding when one takes a moment in the streams of living on the functions of everything in life. The movement of the body and how it works, seems there are many intricate workings going on.

Plus, it didn’t help that buying these books and with no “time” to enjoy them. Maybe, all one can do is to maximize the amount of time enjoying these texts of printed ink on a dead tree.

What is the point in reading? Looking back and wondering, what is it that makes reading worthwhile?

It doesn’t do anything. Not making money with it. Answering the question deserves a decent explanation.

“Writing, the rite of earning to stroke a pen, in various degree’s, aight.”